@CraftyLando
As someone who had just gotten broken up with, you have to grow your emotional maturity and intelligence! I believe she was an anxious-attachment, I am now a healing avoidant attachment. I used to shut my emotions down when things would get emotional. It was a defense mechanism growing up. I was never there to hear myself out, validate myself, empathize with myself, etc. which caused me to do the same with her. At the same time, I never knew the right way to do it! I didn’t have that environment growing up. Ultimately, the breakup broke my heart, but I’ve learned a broken heart is also an open one. I finally have gotten to the roots of my problems, understand my attachment style, and I am now intentionally pursuing a secure attachment with myself, for myself, and hopefully one day I can a better partner for someone else. Long story short, you have to find the root of the problem in order to build a road map for the best version of yourself.
@ziaudtohan
I'm an avoidant and I'm dating an anxious person. We're fairly new, almost two months in. Both of us have mental health issues. We're both in therapy and medication. We are aware of our attachment styles, childhood trauma, and relationship trauma. We always talk about it especially when we clash since we have a lot of similarities in our personalities. We like each other so much we're willing to work on our differences and reach an agreement. I'm learning to give her the reassurance she needs and she's learning to give me the space I need. I also asked her what's her love language and I told her mine so we know how to make each other feel loved. I stopped running away from conflicts when I met her. She's the type who wants to resolve them right away. But I told her that sometimes I need a few hours to process my emotions and I'll come back within the day after I self-regulate. And I always make sure that I come back. Communication and maturity are the key. "Don't date avoidants" is the worst dating advice ever.
@Zayeem-pz1kv
As an anxious attachment who faced this push-pull pattern, the best advice I can give to anyone with anxious attachment is, learn to validate yourself and treat yourself like you'd treat anyone else in your situation. With compassion Learn to sit with your emotions more and learn to stick to your principles, even if it's damn hard :)
@mariannehay4209
It’s about rigorous honesty, facing fears, and difficult discussions. Not easy but definitely achievable.
@donharrison6803
Your partner is showing you your attachment style in the dynamic. This is a mirror to your shadow. This is not a relationship like normal. This is a soul connection one to heal you from what-ales all your relationships. If you are strong enough, you can heal this attachment style to become more secure in your attachment. For the anxious person, this means learning how to fill your cup. I’ve been in the dynamic for 27 years looping back-and-forth. After working with healing my inner child learning how my nervous system works I realize that I try to have my wife fulfill too many roles in my life. This is a great opportunity for me to be adventurous, step into my power, be autonomous, and respect the relationship for what it offers. I do not lose myself and focus only on her, but I focus on myself. This is a gift if you’re strong enough to accept it; there’s love everywhere. It’s in strangers. It’s in nature. but most importantly it’s already inside of you. What would you do as an anxious attachment right now if you didn’t have to have permission or validation from somebody to go do something you want maybe there’s a hobby or a sport learn to play the guitar make new friends go out by yourself and meet strangers make new connections. If you’re a man keep your brother bond they can fulfill all what you need for your self-esteem they can help you to guide and to help you remember who you are then bring that home to the avoidant wife and she’ll stop being avoidant towards you. There’s love everywhere. It’s in strangers. It’s a nature. The flow of life is the love share it with your partner, instead of making them near you or you near them then you can be fully fulfilled with your life and feel the love that the universe is offering. The flow of life is the love share it with your partner, instead of making them near you or you near them then you can be fully fulfilled with your life and feel the love that the universe is offering.
@inspired2rv661
Our difficult partners are a blessing. They show us where our triggers are so that we can be free of them. That awareness helped us a lot. Our partners are like our mirrors. They show us what we don’t want to see, but if we take a look and take ownership of the lies that the mind tells us, we can set ourselves free from the prison of fear, guilt and shame. It’s scary, but it’s worth it. Peace and Freedom are available to anyone who’s willing to take accountability for the lies they’ve been telling ourselves.🎉
@artofmetta7401
If both ppl are working to become more secure and have a common ground of understanding each other the relationship becomes a place of growth.
@AbbyGPoetree
The 'trap' is - you don't know you even have an 'attachment style' until you get into a deep relationship with someone who at first treats you like a princess and makes promises and likes all the same things you like, then BAM, they back off, stop talking, get distant, and you didn't even do anything. You find yourself begging for the attention you had originally, then they call you clingy, then your confidence and mood plummets, then you need them even more... then when you think all is lost, they come back... eventually after Round 3, you start LEARNING about attachment styles, get therapy, realise you have a shed-load of unhealed trauma, and start working on yourself - AH - so much to learn! xx
@erinmorrison9070
Dating an avoidant taught me that I was focusing on him and his issues to avoid my own emotional work. If I was truly emotionally available and ready for a partnership the way I claim to be, then I would have walked away from the dynamic immediately and sought a secure partner. But I stay in it because I am also emotionally unavailable and am using the drama of the anxious-avoidant relationship to avoid doing the work.
@monjiahertz2050
Some healing can be done, while you're alone or apart, but trust still has to be built in a relationship. I think the only way forward for both avoidants and anxious attached is being willing to communicate in a mature, vulnerable, calm way 🙏
@heididave3829
Doing your own work is key. My partner and I (together 8 years) are anxious/avoidant but we have BOTH worked on it and each moved to a much more secure place!
@dpruittt09
It is important for the anxious person to work on their self confidence and remember they don't need anyone else to be OK. Big fan of your channel Jimmy, thank you so much for the work you do! ❤
@CurlyAmb968
It took, what I thought, was a serious 2.5 yr rel with an DA avoidant to learn about my attachment style and really focus on my own emotional maturity. I was anxious but the relationship made me MORE anxious to the point where I just started to accept it for less. Took about 10 cycles or so and me FINALLY leaving and cutting off all contact, but I'm grateful for it. I'm now on the path to healthy, learning myself, my needs, boundaries, how to hold them, and to respect myself. I know all avoidants aren't bad and why they are that way. I also understand their behaviors, but it doesn’t make you cheat. I just learned that I cannot be the one to heal them. They have to want it and do the work. If they don't, I can't be with you anymore. You have been a HUGE part of my journey coach. Thank you!!😮
@JennaMaBob
"Dont date an avoidant" a lot of times people arent aware of their attachment style until theyre in it and finding out at the same time. These deep relationships that end up in heartbreak cause both harm... both deserve compassion and care.
@gemg1610
I love your vid. Please do more on healing fearful avoidant. The push pull is unbearable.
@Mon-kf4hv
The top comment should be find out what's causing this attachment and heal it within yourself to become secure, then you have a better chance to have success even with an avoidant, if they feelecure enough not to run, having their own freedom and space but also safe space to be more open. It's easy to say don't date avoidant but if you don't work on the anxious attachment, even secure people will feel like you're too needy and walk away. Gotta always work on your own issues and healing FIRST.
@riithewordsmith
No, the way to fix it is to learn communication skills and optimally self evaluation/reflection. Both people. You figure out more specific triggers to talk about and navigate. You work on trusting each other to move through the darkness of fear when the other partner does something that is a trigger (maybe like going to the store without you). When you know what specific incidents have caused specific triggers - this requires a lot of self reflection, sometimes it's hard to figure out, sometimes you might need the help of a therapist - you can work together to start unraveling it. I can see how my husband and i could have devolved into an anxious-avoidant relationship. I still struggle and ask "are you mad at me?" too often. But i take a deep breath and share my most scary, vulnerable feelings with them; they, who overcame what could have been an avoidant attachment style through trust in me, reciprocate and use what scary hard feelings i shared to take care of me better. My ability to be genuine, and safe to tell their feelings to, make them feel secure. Their patience with me makes me feel secure. We are always still learning how to communicate, and always striving to. And we're only more in love nearly 13 years later from when we first got married.
@Futuristic271
Therapy and working on yourself so you're not wholly reliant on other people for validation and contentment
@kimmy321
Wow. Yep. I’m the anxious. Answer is move on and break the cycle. And forgive yourself. Forgiving the other is not necessary it’s forgiving yourself for your decisions based on dysfunction patterns/cycles. Get therspy, heal, and try out healthy relationships. You will feel and know the difference. Ty I love your channel. Well I do want to realize difficult things about me though and heal them. ❤
@CindyDavidYogaCoach