Healing My Addiction To Becoming

Episode 049 of Living in Response is a self-hug for the discomfort I feel from being in the present in the moment with nowhere to be.


Thanks for being a part of this unedited, unfiltered, and unbounded journey ＜3


Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI


1️⃣ Why I Started This PodcastI share the truth behind how Living in Response began: I was mentally overwhelmed and needed a place to release the constant stream of thoughts in my head. It started as an emotional pressure valve—and I recorded nearly daily, sometimes more than once, just to feel some relief.


2️⃣ From Forcing to FlowingI reflect on the disconnect between what I said I was doing (surrendering, flowing) and what I was actually doing (pushing, strategizing, trying to figure it all out). The illusion of surrender shattered after a breakdown at my desk—head in hands, tears flowing, and no peace inside.


3️⃣ The Turning PointIn the midst of emotional overwhelm, something shifted. I recognized my nervous system wasn’t broken—it was overloaded from years of hyper-productivity. I named the truth: I’m not here to force anymore. I’m softening. And that changes everything.


4️⃣ The Power of Feminine EnergyAfter a friend mentioned I might be softening into my feminine, something clicked. I’ve spent years in hyper-Yang energy—driving, achieving, producing. Now I’m consciously choosing to rebalance through Yin: slowness, rest, receptivity, care, presence.


5️⃣ Presence as a PracticeI describe the impact of mindfulness in daily life: watching water drip in the shower, eating without my phone, sitting in stillness. I explore how presence isn’t just a tool—it’s the medicine I’ve been needing all along.


6️⃣ Releasing Urgency, Again and AgainThe thoughts still come: If I don’t push, it won’t happen. If I slow down, I’ll lose everything. But now, I catch them. I breathe. And I remember that urgency isn’t required for dreams to grow. They root when I rest.


7️⃣ Meditation & Mindfulness TrainingI share my experience beginning more formal meditation study, and how hard it actually is to just be. The mind wants to move. But in witnessing those urges rather than obeying them, I’m finally starting to find peace.


8️⃣ From Doing to BeingI reflect on the beauty of doing familiar things—like going to the gym, eating, spending time with my partner—but from a completely different energy. The shift isn’t in the activity—it’s in the place I’m living from.


9️⃣ I No Longer Feel Like I’m Going to ExplodeThis podcast was once a lifeline for my overloaded mind. But now that I’m slowing down, the urgency to record every day is gone. I don’t feel the need to “relieve” myself through output. And that feels like growth.


🔟 Permission to Go SlowI explore the metaphor of the stair stepper at the gym: how I used to judge others (and myself) for going slower or faster. Now I see it differently. We’re all moving at our own pace. And for me, slow is sacred.


1️⃣1️⃣ Letting My Path Be MineI speak about the realization that no coach, program, or technique can tell me what I’m here to do. My direction arises from within. My only job is to build a relationship with that inner voice—which lives in the present.


1️⃣2️⃣ The Medicine Is HereI describe how the same actions—cooking, bathing, walking—now feel totally different because I’m present. The urgency is dissolving. My thoughts aren’t the enemy. And in the space between them, there’s creativity, curiosity, and life.


🌀 The Bottom Line: This Is ItThis episode is a love letter to now. Not the future. Not the next breakthrough. Just now. The truth is, I’m not healing to arrive—I’m healing to be. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can finally breathe.


Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan


📘 Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn – The simple teaching of “this is it”🧘‍♀️ Formal Meditation Practice – Witnessing the urge to act without reacting📱 Mindful Technology Use – Observing compulsive scrolling patterns🌿 Yin Energy – A conscious return to feminine softness and inner stillness🎤 This Podcast – From pressure valve to spacious expression


❤️ Core Message:You don’t have to rush to be worthy.You don’t have to fix yourself to be allowed to rest.You don’t have to know what’s next to be on the path.This moment is enough.You are enough.


Sending love and prayers to the planet and all her inhabitants. May we be happy, healthy, and loved.


Mystically,


Belle


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